The Corporation - Secretary Character feedback
Thursday, July 2, 2020 - 15:42
Hi,
I started a visual novel open source project (The Corporation) where one of my goals is to learn/improve my digital art skills.
I will share all the game art work here (opengameart) but I wanted to refine my work, so I am trying to seek feedback and constructive criticism. Not sure if this is the right place.
So, my first story character is the secretary, I am still working on her face, I am having some difficulties drawing the hair it always feel very unnatural.
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I fixed the face to the point I am happy with it, now I just need to make the body :D
Wow! I don't really have much constructive criticism to give because I love your art style. Your redesigned head is fantastic, although the expression seems a little ambiguous but not exactly "neutral" (if that makes sense). She's reading as "listening dubiously to someone she can't ignore or be rude to" to me. Maybe that's what you're going for... certainly that's realistic for a clerical worker (in my experience).
I'd like to hear more about the game concept, I'm curious about the plot and specifics about gameplay. I've never used Monogatari, but it's similar to RenPy and I'm really intrigued by the open-source aspect of the program. Very cool start, you are clearly working hard on it.
Hi,
Thank you so much for your comment.
Yeah, I wanted to make the secretary professional nice, but she is also nice as a person, maybe I can play with her eyes to give a more friendly vibe, give her a little bit of puppy eyes.
I am doing the project as an hobby on my free time, and the goal is to have much fun doing it, I decided on Monogatari because I can use JavaScript, works everywhere and its easy.
Also I didn't mention and on itch.io is not clear but the game is also open source (https://github.com/fsvieira/thecorporation).
The gameplay is the same on other visual novels, its a story where you can make choices that will affect the story. But I want to experiment with something different from choice tree, I want to make a kind of character score system, where the players answers will affect what characters think about the player and what player thinks about the characters, and that will affect dialogs and player place on story.
I have a clear idea about what I want to put in the story, but I am writing the dialogs has I go.
I want the player to start to be immersed on a neutral environment, everything is new to the character as well for the player.
I want to present choices that can lead player to corruption, love, and even trap him on schemes and dilemmas.
I am planning to have four finals, they will be similar with different levels of reward and punishment.
This would be the game concept I guess, I am not sure if I can bring it lol ;)
This is the final Raquel character drawing.
I think a lot could have been improved, the drawing doesn't pop, this is something that I would have to learn how to do it :(
Ooh... "schemes and dilemmas" - it's getting spicy! You have really put a lot of thought into your game idea, I am getting really excited to watch it develop.
Ugh, your art style is so... pure and lovely, I don't know how else to describe it. As for your updated secretary NPC, the body design looks great and both the eyes and mouth look much more relaxed now.
I believe three things are crucial when designing facial expressions: eyes, mouth, and eyebrows - eyebrows - eyebrows! Raquel's eyebrows are sitting low on the forehead and are upturned at the center. This usually conveys concern or embarrassment. When the eyebrows are neutral they float gently arched (almost parallel) above the eyes. Of course, not everyone's face conforms to the average standards so stick to your guns if that's a stylistic choice.
When I am developing expressions for a visual novel, I always use basic facial expression charts to keep me grounded. Below I have included a website that I find helpful:
https://www.animeoutline.com/12-anime-facial-expressions-chart-drawing-t...
Usually, when I am developing a character (even a background character) I always put some thought into their personal background and motivation. Why is your secretary "nice as a person"? Was she raised by nice people or did she have a terrible life and so decided to be a light in the darkness? What does she want from her career? All choices are perfectly valid, I just think it's important to consider. Fleshing out the background characters will make your world feel more immersive and real (and make writing dialogue much easier).
Okay, great progress - I'm rooting for you!
Hi,
For the art style of the game I am just tryng to find something that I can do and feel comfortable and engaged doing it until the the end of the project. Hopefully I would get better at the end.
Thanks for the tips, and the link I will definitely try some of the tips in there and keep the expressions refs.
So trying the character in game, I think I would need to repaint the background to match the new style.
You mention work on visual novels, I would love to see some of your work.
Finally I found the style that I want for my game...
I will upload the krita file very soon.
I am so excited!!
-Horror style.
Very good style I will consider it in my game Lol.